


Maybe You Should

by orphan_account



Category: Broadchurch
Genre: Fluff, Humour, Idiots in Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-27
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-06-04 19:48:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6673288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post S2. At Maggie and Jocelyn's wedding, Ellie sees Alec in a kilt for the first time. To her dismay, her sister becomes obsessed with finding out what's under it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maybe You Should

Several months after the end of the hellish trial there came a welcome interruption to the pervasive gloom that hung over Broadchurch.

Maggie and Jocelyn were getting married.

‘So soon?’ Ellie asked in surprise when Maggie told her the news.

‘Not soon enough if you ask me,’ Maggie replied happily. ‘We’ve missed out on so many years together. From now on, we’re not going to miss a thing.’

Infected by her enthusiasm, Ellie gave Maggie a hug and her heartfelt congratulations.

The wedding took place just a few weeks later. Neither of the women were religious, but since they knew Paul Coates they assented to his offer to officiate the ceremony. It took place at the church one autumn day and it seemed like all of Broadchurch was there. 

With the addition of one outsider.

‘Bloody hell,’ said Lucy. She was in a dress that was far too tight for her, but which she insisted fit her as perfectly as it did five years ago. She got her sister’s attention and pointed. ‘Is that Alec Hardy?’

Ellie turned. Her lips parted in surprise. Detective Inspector Alec Hardy was indeed walking up the hill towards them, where they stood milling around with the rest of the crowd while Maggie and Jocelyn had their photos taken. His hair was brushed and gleaming chestnut in the sun and his beard, though thick, was neatly trimmed. He looked vital, even robust. Three months with his daughter and a working heart had evidently done him some good.

But the oddest thing about the picture was that he was wearing a kilt.

‘Hardy!’ Ellie exclaimed.

He gave her a tiny wave as he came closer. Her gaze slipped lower and fixed on the greenish tartan he was wearing. For a moment there was nothing on her face but surprise.

Then she looked him in the eyes and scowled.

‘Why the hell didn’t you tell me you were coming today?’ she snapped. She put her hand on her hips. ‘Three months without so much as a text and now you just drop out of the sky without even warning me!’

‘Maggie and Jocelyn invited me.’ He drew to a halt at her side. ‘I assumed they told you I was coming.’

‘You didn’t think the brides would have more important things to worry about?’

‘It’s good to see you too, Miller,’ he said, and the deadpan statement defused her antagonism. He held up a small gift with a bow on top. ‘Erm… where can I…?’

‘Presents go on the table inside.’ She nodded at the church. ‘Tom’s in charge of guarding the presents. Say hello to him.’

Hardy nodded. With a tiny grunt of acknowledgement to Lucy, he started towards the church.

Lucy watched him go, her keen eyes trained upon his backside. ‘Scrubs up well, don’t he?’ she said with a mischievous grin.

Ellie looked hard at her sister. ‘Oh no. No, no, no.’

‘What?’ Lucy said.

‘I know that face, and whatever you’re scheming, you can stop right now.’

‘Oh come on, I’m allowed to say a man looks good in a kilt. Sort of rugged, isn’t he?’ Her left eyebrow curved heavenward. ‘Big Scottish bear. Handsome highlander.’

‘Put that eyebrow down,’ Ellie growled.

‘D’you reckon he’s a traditionalist?’

 ‘What’s that mean?’

‘Do you reckon he wears the kilt the traditional way? You know.’ Lucy waggled her eyebrows.

Ellie got it. She reared back. ‘Oh God, Luce! Stop it!’

Lucy folded her arms and touched her chin thoughtfully. They could faintly discern Hardy inside the church. He was talking to Tom, and the big boy was chatting happily to him and trying to teach him how to do a fistbump. Something softened in Ellie and a tiny smile curved across her face.

‘What do you reckon?’ Lucy asked. ‘Is he screaming freedom down below?’

Ellie shook herself and scoffed at he sister. ‘For God’s sake, it’s Hardy you’re talking about. He’s probably wearing pants and boxers _and_ tiny suspenders on his boxers, just in case of any accidents.’

‘You speak like a woman who knows her way around the area.’

‘I’m not even going to dignify that with a response.’

‘So does that mean you wouldn’t mind if I had a crack?’

Ellie sputtered. ‘You seriously want _Hardy?_ That rude bastard?’

‘Well I need a post-wedding shag off someone, and since there’re no best men for the picking I’ll have to make do.’

Ellie made a disgusted exclamation. ‘I’m not talking to you anymore.’

Hardy came down the steps. Ellie marched towards him, grabbed his arm and ushered him away before Luce could accost him. They heard her cackling after them. 

‘What’s going on?’ Hardy asked.

‘Luce is being a pain in my arse,’ Ellie replied. They walked around to the other side of the church, away from the thicket of people, until they had reached a semi-secluded place. A nearby lavender bush perfumed the scene.

‘Tom seems well,’ Hardy commented.

‘Jocelyn and Maggie are letting him DJ the reception later, so he’s in high spirits.’

‘What about wee Fred?’ Hardy asked, craning his neck at the crowd. ‘I – erm – I brought him a present.’ He reached into his pocket.

‘He’s with Olly,’ Ellie replied. ‘Helping out with the photography.’

She watched curiously as Hardy drew out an object. His hand opened, the fingers parting like petals, revealing a rather lovely toy crab.

‘Still his favourite animal?’ Hardy asked, a trifle nervously.

‘Yes. Still his favourite,’ Ellie replied. She took the toy. Her fingers brushed his palm and he withdrew quickly, looking embarrassed. She turned the crab over in her hands. It was an exquisite piece, finely made and brilliantly coloured, yet rounded and soft enough to be safe for a little toddler. ‘It’s beautiful. Where did you find it?’

‘Toy shop in London. Daisy and I went there for a few days. I saw it and I remembered…’ He trailed off.

‘How thoughtful,’ Ellie murmured. ‘He’ll love it. He really will. I’ve never been able to find him a toy crab.’ 

‘Maybe now he’ll stop picking them up from the beach and bringing them home,’ Hardy said, who recalled an incident that had occurred in his little blue house some months ago.

She looked at Hardy and smiled widely. ‘Thank you.’ She handed the toy back to him, this time letting her fingertips linger when they brushed his palm. ‘You look well,’ she said. ‘Kilt suits you.’

‘Mm. Worry I’ve overdressed.’ He cast a gloomy eye over the assembled wedding guests. ‘S’more casual than I’m used to.’ He turned back to Ellie and took in the shape and colour of her vivid orange sundress. She'd even put on some make-up, and her red lipstick helped draw his eyes to her mouth. ‘You look… well, too. Don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a dress.’

A shout went up, and it was time for the guests to go in and take their seats. The ceremony was beginning.

 Hardy sighed and adjusted his collar, looking agitated. ‘Here we go. God, I always hated weddings.’

‘Sit with me, yeah?’ Ellie said, and her words were half an order and half an invitation.

He looked almost pleased at that and walked with her to the church. Ellie couldn’t help admiring his figure in that kilt, and shook her head, alarmed at the unwelcome thoughts the sight generated.

*

The brides exchanged their vows. At Jocelyn’s particularly moving speech, where she spoke of how she had been alone until Maggie pulled her out of the dark, and how much she adored her for her uncompromising attitude, Hardy shed a subtle tear and wiped his eye with his thumb, something that went unnoticed by everyone but Ellie. Maggie joked about how Jocelyn was a miserable sod, but that she loved her all the same for her intelligence, her loyalty, her dedication to justice and above all her heart, and Ellie found she couldn’t stop a tear running down her own face. 

The brides kissed and the wedding bells clanged merrily in the belfries as they walked outside, to the well-wishes and fond exclamations of all.

The party was held at Jocelyn’s grand house on the cliffs. A marquee had been set up in her extensive backyard and Tom enthusiastically assumed the role of DJ. Caterers milled amongst the crowd, bearing drinks and nibbles, and an enormous wedding cake sat on the table as the centrepiece. Guests mingled in the marquee or out near the cliffs to take in the view, and a few wandered in the house as well.

Ellie roamed from place to place, chatting happily to her friends. Hardy stuck close to her the whole time, floating behind her like a forlorn ghost, nodding or muttering hello to the people she accosted. His kilt marked him very much as an outsider, and for someone who was trying not to attract attention, he was attracting a great deal of attention. 

To Hardy’s consternation, Lucy began following him as he followed Ellie. He did his best to ignore her, but it wasn’t always easy.

‘Do you want a drink?’ Hardy asked Ellie, eager to make himself useful.

‘Yeah. Get me a red. Ta,’ Ellie said as she chatted with one of the officers from the station.

Hardy slunk off to the table. He looked at the red wine and took a sip. Wincing, he turned to a caterer. ‘Don’t you have anything fancier than this?’

‘There’s white or champagne. We also have a merlot.’

‘Oh God no,’ Hardy said. ‘Look – just, erm, get me a glass of red from a fresh cask or something, will you?’

The waitress obliged and went away. Hardy swirled the glass while he waited and sniffed it dubiously.

‘Ain’t you gonna get one for me?’ a voice said behind him, and someone clapped him on the shoulder. He faltered and accidentally slopped wine into his nose.

‘Lucy!’ he exclaimed. Wine dripped from his nostrils.

‘Ooh, on a first name basis already, are we?’ Lucy grinned. While Hardy wiped the wine from his face, Lucy took a step forward and cornered him against the table. ‘It’s good to know we’re already… _intimate_ with each other.’

Her fingers danced up his lapel and he jerked backwards so violently that the table rocked and several drinks tipped over.

Thankfully, not long after the waitress returned with his glass. He snatched it, tossed five quid at her by way of apology for the mess he had created, and swiftly fled from Lucy’s clutches.

‘You can run but you can’t hide,’ Lucy grinned. She downed a glass of champagne in one gulp, wiped her mouth, and followed.

‘Miller!’

The officer she’d been talking to had just left. Ellie brightened when she saw him returning and took the glass off him. ‘Thanks. You all right?’

‘Your sister,’ Hardy said rapidly. ‘I think she – I think she – erm…’

‘Oh God, don’t tell me she really has set her sights on you,’ Ellie groaned.

‘You already know?’

‘I was hoping she didn’t mean it.’ Ellie sighed. ‘Luce has a tradition. She never goes home from a wedding alone. Ever since her husband left her, it’s been her mission. Looks like you’re the lucky man.’

Hardy looked terrified. ‘Is there any way to… undo this honour?’

‘Fraid not. She’s a determined woman.’

A panicked expression settled over him. Ellie cocked her head to one side.

‘Not interested?’

‘God no,’ Hardy replied, a little too fervently. ‘I mean – not that your sister’s not lovely, but…’

‘Oy, where do you think you’re going with those pork rolls?’ they heard Lucy shout as she chased a waiter, a wine glass slopping in her hand.

‘She’s drunk,’ Hardy finished. ‘And it – it wouldn’t be right.’

Ellie seemed pleased by his answer. ‘Just stay close to me,’ she told him. ‘I’ll protect you.’

Hardy took the invitation quite literally, and scooted closer to her until the pleats of his kilt were brushing the hem of her dress.

*

Tom was doing rather well as the DJ. A few bold entrepreneurs took to the dance floor, encouraging others to follow. 

Ellie and Hardy sat to one side, chatting at a table. Ellie had switched to fizzy drink and was kissing away her lipstick on the rim of the glass, which she reapplied once it was drained. Fred was sitting in Hardy's lap and playing with the buttons and tassels on his outfit. After a little while the toddler grew restless and communicated that he wanted to dance. Ellie obliged and led him onto the dance floor, where she twirled hand in hand with him to the tune of a _Wham!_ song.

Hardy watched them as they moved across the makeshift dance floor. His elbow was propped on the table and he rested his head thoughtfully upon his palm. The corner of his mouth twitched and something almost like a smile formed.

‘Having fun?’ someone asked, and it was a voice he recognised. Hardy turned and saw Jocelyn standing behind him, looking beautiful in her fashionable yet sensible gown.

‘Jocelyn,’ Hardy said warmly, and stood. He shook her hand. ‘Congratulations. I hope you and Maggie will be very happy together.’

‘We will, I assure you,’ Jocelyn replied. ‘I’m glad you could make it today. I was worried you wouldn’t be able to find the time now that you’ve left Broadchurch, and really, it wouldn’t be right if you weren’t here.’

‘What makes you say that?’

‘Well, it’s really thanks to you that this is happening at all.’ Jocelyn gestured around her. ‘It was your conversation with me when I did your will that inspired me to finally pull up my socks and tell Maggie how I felt. The rest, as they say, is history.’

‘Me?’ Hardy looked surprised.

‘Three words – maybe you should – and that was it. I finally told her. So simple and yet - ’ she broke off with a sigh. ‘Well, I should really thank you on behalf of both of us.’

‘No – please,’ Hardy protested. ‘You don’t need to thank me. I didn’t do anything.’

‘You did enough. That conversation changed me. If not for that, I think I would’ve missed the person I was supposed to be with, again. All because I was too afraid to tell her.’

Hardy was looking past Jocelyn. His eyes were fixed on Ellie, twirling with her little toddler. A wide smile lit her face and her curly hair bounced around her flushed cheeks.

‘You would’ve found the courage eventually,’ Hardy replied diplomatically, turning back to Jocelyn. ‘You and Maggie were made for each other, it’s clear.’

She smiled. ‘I told her about how you inspired me. She suggested that we have you round for dinner one night.’

‘A dinner party?’ Panic erupted within him.

‘Ellie can come too,’ Jocelyn offered, and he calmed immediately. ‘If it’s not too difficult for you to get to Broadchurch.’

‘Mm. No, that’ll be fine. Dinner with Ellie… and you… sounds fine.’

‘We’ll be in touch to arrange something, then,’ Jocelyn said. She looked off into the distance and faintly discerned someone motioning her over. ‘Oh. Duty calls. More people to meet. I have to admit, I’m not terribly used to all this socialising and arranging dinner parties. Tell me, how do you think I’m doing?’

‘Seems fine to me.’

‘These are all Maggie’s friends, you know,’ Jocelyn said, nodding at the guests. ‘Only about three of them are mine. I still haven’t the faintest idea how she knows so many.’

‘I think the same of Ellie. Whenever we’re down the street together – one after the other, she’ll stop and say hello and chat. It drives me mad.’

Jocelyn regarded him curiously for a moment. ‘Have you been visiting her?’

‘No – not since I left.’

She replied, ‘maybe you should.’

‘Jocelyn!’ Ben called. ‘One of the caterers wants to speak to you.’

‘Excuse me,’ Jocelyn said. 

Hardy grunted, looking slightly astonished. He did not have time to reflect on it, for a voice behind him crowed suddenly:

‘’Ello there, sunshine!’

A hand touched his shoulder and he jerked backwards. ‘Lucy!’ he exclaimed.

Ellie’s sister was grinning, a glass of wine in her hand. ‘Alone at last,’ she said. ‘I thought she’d never leave.’

Ellie spied what was happening. She knelt next to Fred. 'Go and get Uncle Alec,' she told him.

Fred did as he was bid and ran over to the table. He babbled, and it was clear he wanted Hardy to dance with him. Glad of any excuse to get away, Hardy let the toddler take his hand and followed him onto the dance floor. He passed Ellie on the way and she paused to watch him, her hand raised to push the hair from her eyes.

‘Don’t tire Uncle Alec out too much,’ she called playfully.

The dance floor being only sparsely populated, Hardy stood out conspicuously in his kilt. His cheeks reddened, but he soon forgot his embarrassment by focusing on Fred’s enjoyment. Holding both the boy’s hands, he let him step on his toes, and so was able to dance quite respectably while the toddler shrieked in delight.

Ellie stayed on the fringe, watching them. She knew Hardy loved his daughter and that he was an attentive father, but somehow it still surprised her how good he was with Fred. Perhaps the boy’s liking of him stemmed from missing his father. He had always been closer with Joe than herself. The thought depressed her and she grew morose.

‘You all right?’ someone asked.

It was Maggie. Ellie quickly plastered on a smile. She took Maggie’s hand and kissed her cheek. ‘Oh, Maggie! Congratulations. I haven’t seen you at all today! Where’s Jocelyn?’

‘Off sorting out something with the caterers, I think,’ Maggie said, squinting around. ‘Isn’t this a smashing venue? Jocelyn paid for it all. I made her,’ she said proudly. ‘She kept me waiting this long, she can pay for the wedding. Turned up jolly well, didn’t it?’

‘It’s wonderful. And all the kids are having a great time. Thanks again for letting Tom DJ. It’s all he’s talked about for the past week.’

‘My pleasure. As far as I’m concerned, he’s doing us a favour. Where’s Alec, by the way? He RSVP’d, but I haven’t seen him yet.’

Ellie pointed at him. Maggie clapped eyes on him and bent double laughing.

‘Lord, the sight of him – gruff, hard detective inspector dancing with a toddler – in a kilt of all things!’

‘I think it’s sweet.’

‘It never even occurred to me that he might get on with kids. Though I suppose there is that daughter of his. What’s her name again?’

‘Daisy.’

‘Daisy. Ah, that’s lovely. You met her?’

‘No. But I’d like to, someday.’

‘Jocelyn and I were thinking of inviting him to dinner one night. We’ll invite his daughter, too. And you’re welcome, of course, since I don’t think he has any other friends.’

‘A dinner party?’ Ellie looked surprised. ‘I didn’t know you were that close.’

‘He’s here, isn’t he?’ Maggie pointed out. ‘But I feel like I owe it to him.’

‘Why do you say that?’

‘It was only after a conversation with him that Jocelyn finally scraped herself together to tell me she loved me.’

She blinked at him. ‘What did he say?’

‘Haven’t the faintest. Joss was evasive on that. Still, must’ve been good. I guess he’s secretly a romantic.’

‘Alec Hardy. Detective inspector and part-time matchmaker,’ she smiled.

‘Well, he does have a good heart. Maybe not in the physical sense, but…’

On the dance floor, Hardy spontaneously swept Fred into his arms and twirled him. The toddler shrieked with laughter.

‘Anyway, I’ve got to keep making the rounds. I can’t leave my wife alone too long or she’ll embarrass herself. She’s the worst at socialising.’ Maggie laughed prettily. ‘My wife. God it feels good to say that. We might come and find you later to talk about arranging dinner, all right?’

Ellie congratulated Maggie again and she disappeared into the crowd. When she looked back at the dance floor, she spied Lucy determinedly making her way towards Hardy and Fred.

‘Oh no you don’t,’ she muttered, and ran to cut her off.

A hand closed around Hardy’s wrist and he looked up in surprise. It was Ellie. She ran her hand down and clasped his fingers. With her other hand, she grabbed Fred's hand so the three of them were interlocked.

‘Don’t look now,’ Ellie said, leaning in slightly. ‘But Luce is on the prowl.’

Hardy’s gaze flicked over her shoulder. Past the shapes of moving couples he could see Lucy glowering at them, plainly frustrated that Ellie had gotten to him first.

Ellie squeezed his hand and turned the three of them in a circle. Fred babbled happily and looked up at them, his blue eyes shining. From his place in the DJ’s station, Tom gave them the thumbs up.

A little later, Fred was thoroughly tuckered out by all the dancing and Ellie decided it was time for his nap. He agreed without much of a fuss, and rubbing his eye with one hand, he held Ellie’s hand with the other and toddled with her out of the marquee to Jocelyn’s house.

Hardy went with her, leery of being left alone with Lucy on the loose. He walked next to them, his hands clasped behind his back. Fred babbled something and reached for him, and he surrendered his hand so that they walked along with the toddler clasped between them.

Ellie began to swing him a little, and at the command, ‘three, two, one!’ she and Hardy swung Fred high into the air by his hands.

'Again!' Fred shouted when they'd put him down, and they obliged.

The main house was quiet. Jocelyn and Maggie had generously left it open for anyone who wanted to get away from the noise of the marquee, and had set aside the spare bedrooms for cranky or sleepy children. They put Fred in one of these rooms.

Fred clambered onto the bed and Hardy sat next to him. ‘I almost forgot,’ he said. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the toy crab. Fred lit up and started shrieking with excitement.

‘You’re getting him worked up!’ Ellie scolded.

‘Sorry.’

Fred reached for the toy and clasped it reverently in his hands. ‘Crab! Crab!’ he yelled.

‘I had a feeling this was your favourite animal,’ Hardy said.

‘What do you say, sweetheart?’ Ellie prompted.

‘Crab!’

‘No, sweetheart, what do you say to Uncle Alec for getting this?’

‘Thank you!’

‘Good boy,’ Ellie crooned.

Still bouncing, Fred flung his little arms around Hardy’s neck and delivered a sloppy kiss to his cheek. Hardy grunted in surprise, but looked pleased. 'You're welcome, my wee lad.'

'What are you going to call him?' Ellie asked.

Without any hesitiation, Fred replied, ‘Awec.’

Ellie started laughing. Hardy frowned. ‘That’s my name.’

Fred studied the toy crab very seriously and insisted, ‘Awec.’

‘It’s a perfect name,’ Ellie interrupted before Hardy could protest. ‘Alec the Crab. I love it.’

Fred played with his new toy for a little longer and they indulged him. Soon, however, his eyelids began drooping and a huge yawn wracked his whole body. He placed Alec the Crab under the pillow and Ellie tucked him in and kissed him. 

‘Awec,’ Fred said, waving his hand. ‘Awec.’

A few confused moments followed, then Hardy understood what he wanted. He leaned forward and kissed the boy on the cheek.

With that, they left him. Fred closed his eyes, his fingers clasped around the toy underneath his pillow.

‘Thank you again for the present,’ Ellie said as she shut the door.

Hardy grunted. 'Wish he didn't name it after me.'

‘Consider it an honour,' she said. 'I’m just going to check on Lizzie for Beth, then we’ll go back.' She slipped into a darkened bedroom adjacent.

Hardy followed her. ‘Don’t think I’ve seen Lizzie up close,’ he remarked quietly.

They approached the little crib and looked at the fat infant within it.

‘Sleeping like a log,’ Ellie said with satisfaction.

She checked to make sure everything was in order, then turned to leave. Hardy, however, stayed put. He stared down at the baby, mesmerised.

‘Hardy?’

‘She’s beautiful,’ Hardy said softly.

‘She’s fat,’ Ellie said. ‘She’s nearly as big as my Tom was, and he was a monster.’

He very slowly reached into the cot and stroked a lock of her wispy blonde hair. She did not stir in the slightest. Her lips formed a pink pout that matched the colour of the blankets that swathed her.

‘Reminds me of when Daisy was a baby,’ he said. ‘She was so chubby. Such a little darlin’.’

His large hand, brown and hairy, seemed singularly intrusive next to Lizzie’s vulnerable pink head. He withdrew it with a sense of shame.

‘They’re so nice at this age,’ Ellie sighed. She leaned forward. Her shoulder brushed his. ‘Little and perfect and innocent.’

‘Mm. Before they’re big and walking around and causing trouble.'

‘Or answering you back.’

A distant voice made them turn.

‘Alec,’ someone was saying. ‘Oh Alec…’

A panicked expression spread over Hardy.

‘That’s Luce,’ Ellie hissed. ‘She must have followed us.’

‘I know you’re in here,’ she crooned. ‘Come on, I don’t bite… hard.’

Hardy turned to Ellie. ‘Please don’t let her find me,’ he begged.

‘Come on,’ Ellie said. She grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the room. Luce was in the kitchen, blocking their exit. Ellie hauled him up the stairs.

Lucy must have heard their footsteps, for she alighted on the stairs. ‘Alec, was that you?’ Her hand slid up the balustrade and she ascended. ‘Come on out, sunshine. You can’t run forever.’

‘We’re trapped up here,’ Alec said, panicked.

‘Shh.’ Ellie looked around wildly, then opened a nearby linen closet and bundled them inside.

The closet was only just big enough for the two of them. They huddled together amongst the towels and sheets. Ellie kept her hand firmly on the door handle, ready to wrestle it shut if Lucy tried to get inside.

Hardy kept himself plastered in the corner, trying to take up as little space as possible so that he didn’t touch her. The ridiculousness of the situation hit Ellie and she started giggling. Her laughter was infectious and Hardy couldn’t stop a tiny chuckle escaping him.

‘Shh,’ she whispered, holding a finger to her lips. ‘Shh, she’ll hear.’

They held their breaths as Lucy stalked past them, checking the rooms. They could hear her saying Hardy’s name, trying to coax him out. Hardy and Ellie kept as still as they could. It suddenly struck her how _big_ Hardy was. He filled up the entirety of the cramped space and loomed over her. His breath warmed her neck, and she could almost hear his heart hammering next to her ear. Absurdly, she blushed. 

After a time, the footsteps faded. Lucy descended the stairs and they both breathed a sigh of relief.

'Well. I guess that's that.' She turned to Hardy. 'Hopefully she won't come back now...'

She found herself face to face with Hardy's lips. Shrinking back, she cleared her throat and fumbled for the doorknob. They fell out of the closet together.

In the light, it was plain that both of them were flushed.

'Erm... well,' Hardy began, straightening his kilt and avoiding her eyes. 'This wasn't how I expected us to spend our first day back together.'

'Hiding in cupboards to get away from my predatory sister? Yeah, that's a surprise for me too.' She paused and listened intently. 'I think she's still downstairs. We'd better stay up here for now.'

She slunk into a nearby room. 'Are you sure we're allowed to be up here?' he asked uneasily.

'Maggie and Jocelyn said the house was open.' She came to halt and realised they had walked into the master bedroom.

'I don't think this is what they had in mind.'

'We won't be here long. Oh look, photos!' she said suddenly, and went over to the dresser. 'Look, it's them when they were younger!'

Hardy gingerly followed her and looked over her shoulder. 'Maggie looks good with a perm.'

'Blimey, this is really old. If they've known each other this long, why'd it take them so long to get together?'

'Suppose it's all about timing.'

'And the right encouragement.' She picked up the photo and ran her fingers over the smiling faces. 'Maggie said it was because of you that Jocelyn fessed up. What did you say to her?'

He grunted. 'I didn't do anything.'

'According to Maggie you did.'

He sighed. 'I went to see Jocelyn about my will... we got talking and she mentioned she was in love with someone but missed her chance to be with them. I just said... maybe you should tell them.'

‘Oh. That's sort of anticlimactic.'

'I did warn you.'

'Pretty simple stuff, isn't it? If you love someone, of course you should tell them. How did Jocelyn not figure that out?'

'I guess,' said Hardy slowly, 'she was afraid.'

'Well, she shouldn't have been. Because Maggie loved her back.'

'But Jocelyn didn't know that.'

'She should have worked it out.'

Hardy was silent. She was very close to him, and his Adam's apple was quivering slightly. He swallowed thickly.

'I'm just saying, I hope it doesn't take someone decades to admit that they fancy me,' Ellie said.

Ellie moved forward and put the picture back. Something tugged on her dress and she looked down. The chain links in Hardy's sporran had become tangled with the loose fabric of her dress.

'Oh,' she murmured.

They reached for it at the same time and their fingers brushed. Hardy withdrew his hands quickly. 'Sorry,' he mumbled.

'I got it,' Ellie said. She was blushing again. 'Sorry. Didn't realise I was standing that close to you.'

She picked at the fabric. ‘What is this thing, anyway?’

‘It’s a pouch,’ he muttered. ‘It’s called a sporran.’

‘Sporran,’ Ellie said, trying out the word. She worked the last thread free and it came loose. But she did not let it go. She remained holding it and played with the tassels, as if disappointed she had untangled the two of them so quickly. ‘What clan are you?’

‘Clan Farquharson,’ Alec replied. ‘ _Fide et Fortitudine._ By Faith and Fortitude. It's our motto.'

‘Suits you,’ Ellie smiled, still holding the sporran and looking up at him. ‘I was trying to figure out before what your clan might be. Hardy never struck me as a very Scottish name. The only Hardy I can think of is Thomas Hardy. You know, the author, and he was a Dorset native like me. Oh, and then there’s Captain Hardy, of course.’

‘Captain Hardy?’

‘From the Napoleonic wars. Nelson’s second-in-command. Remember Nelson’s last words, “Kiss me, Hardy”?' 

At that precise moment, the door opened and Maggie and Jocelyn stood there in shock. The only words they had heard Ellie say were “kiss me, Hardy” while she stood smiling at him and holding his sporran in her hand. 

'Ellie?' said Maggie.

'Alec?' said Jocelyn. 'What on earth are you doing in our bedroom?'

'Oh God - this isn't what it looks like!' Ellie cried, taking a swift step backwards. 'We were just -'

'Eureka!' someone crowed. A very drunk Lucy appeared behind them. She pushed past the brides and launched herself at Hardy. 'Nowhere to hide now!'

'Wait, wait!' Hardy shouted as Lucy collided with him and started aggressively snogging him. His screams became muffled and he tried to fight her off.

'Luce, get off him you drunken tramp!' Ellie roared. She seized her sister and tried to wrestle her off. The scene descended into a chorus of screams, then Lucy was flung off and dropped to her knees. After a few dazed seconds, she sat up and vomited directly onto Hardy's kilt.

Everyone made disgusted noises.

'To think all I wanted was a change of shoes,' Jocelyn sighed, and Maggie rubbed her shoulder sympathetically.

*

A little later Ellie had her sister stretched out on Jocelyn's couch. She pressed a cold flannel to Lucy's head while she groaned. Maggie and Jocelyn attended, concerned for Lucy's wellbeing.

'I could always grab Tanya to have a look at her,' Maggie offered. 'She's a nurse. I'm sure she won't mind helping out.'

'No, this is fine,' Ellie assured her. 'Luce has recovered from far worse than this. She just needs to lie down.'

Hardy entered the room, wearing a cinched woman's trenchcoat that came down to his knees. It was the only thing Maggie and Jocelyn owned that was big enough to fit him. He'd hosed off his kilt outside and it was now sopping wet and scrunched into a large plastic bag by his side.

'Bedroom's all clean,' he sighed. 'Most of it went on me, so you're lucky. I left the window open to get the smell out.'

'You're a gem,' Maggie said.

'Still want to have us over for dinner?' Ellie asked wryly.

'Not as much, no,' Jocelyn said, and Maggie elbowed her.

'You needn't worry, petal, we don't blame you. Lucy, however,' she leaned over her prostrate form, 'will be paying to get our bedroom professionally cleaned!'

Lucy mewled a complaint and pawed the air.

'Which means I'll be paying for it, since I'm her biggest source of income,' said Ellie gloomily.

'Family. Can't live with them, can't live without them,' Maggie shrugged.

'I really am sorry about this,' Ellie said. 'We shouldn't have gone into your bedroom.'

'Given what you were running from, I can understand.' Maggie paused. 'But - I have to ask. "Kiss me, Hardy?" What was that about?'

Ellie went red. 'I was quoting Lord Nelson!'

'Oh _sure,_ ' Jocelyn broke in with a laugh. 'That's what they all say.'

'How many times have you heard that one in court, ey, Joss?'

'Miller,' Hardy interrupted, 'erm, do you mind if you drive me to my hotel room? I need to get a new outfit.'

'Sure? You look good in Jocelyn's coat. Don't you reckon?'

'No,' said Hardy sadly.

'I'm in favour of him wearing his own clothes,' said Jocelyn.

'All right. Can you look after Luce until we get back? Fred's asleep in one of your bedrooms, too. Sorry, I feel bad asking you to clean up after us on your wedding day.'

'We'll just get Olly and tell him to come and stay with her,' Maggie said, waving her hand.

'Thank you.'

'Do hurry back,' Maggie added. 'We'll be cutting the cake and doing speeches soon, but we'll wait for you.'

'Wouldn't miss it for the world,' Ellie promised.

She went outside. Hardy followed, still clutching the dripping plastic bag. As he left, Maggie said thoughtfully. 'you know what Ellie said to you? The Lord Nelson quote?'

Hardy grunted.

Maggie smiled. 'Maybe you should.'

Hardy blinked in alarm, then dipped his head and followed Ellie out to her car.

Maggie stood next to her wife for several moments. 'Do you think they've got a chance, Joss?'

'I hope so,' Jocelyn sighed. 'There's nothing worse than missing the person you're supposed to be with.'

*

Several days later, once Lucy had recovered sufficiently from her shame, Ellie sat with her drinking tea. ‘So it turns out,’ she said casually as she blew on the steaming cup, ‘Hardy _does_ wear something under his kilt after all.’ 

Lucy blinked suspiciously at her little sister, who was grinning smugly. She decided to take the bait and asked, ‘what?’

Ellie raised the cup to her mouth. ‘Lipstick,’ she said, and took a sip.


End file.
